A drunken man staggers in 2 a Roman Catholic Church & heads straight for the confessional without saying a word.The priest waits 4 the man to confess abt his sins but the man remains dead silent.The priest then knocks on the wall 3 times in attempt 2 the man to speak.Finally the drunker replies ”NO USE KNOCKING PAL THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER”
10:41 AM
Who says our English is teruk.?
Just see below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straightto point, effective etc........
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we
don't seem to have the sweater
you want in your size, but if you
give me a moment, I can call the
other outlets for you.
Asian : No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith.
Did anyone page for me a few
moments ago?
Asian : Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get
by. Would you please make way?
Asian : S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet
away, this drink is on me.
Asian : No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you
think it would be possible for me
to enter through this door?
Asian : (pointing the door) can
AR?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself
right at home.
Asian : Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving
me the money.
Asian : Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that,
if you don't mind.
Asian : Don't want la...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF
DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop
you there. I understand where
you're coming from, but I really
have to disagree with what you
said about the issue.
Asian : You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER
THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you
please ! Lower your voice, I'm
trying to concentrate over here.
Asian : Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE
KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed
you staring at me for some time.
Do I know you?
Asian : See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT
SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of
a predicament at the moment.
Asian : Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT
HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what
has just happened?
Asian : Wat happen Why like
that....
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING
WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do
it here let me show you,
Asian : like that also don't know
how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not
disturbing me
Asian : Celaka u
8:47 AM
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.
"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled,
"Grandpa will pay the bill."
5:44 AM
A man joined a big Multi
National Company as a
trainee.
On his first day, he dialed
the kitchen and shouted into
the phone: Get me a cup of
coffee, quickly!
The voice from the other
side responded: You fool;
you've dialled the wrong
extension! Do you know who
you're talking to?
No replied the trainee.
It's the Managing Director of
the company, you idiot!
The trainee shouted back:
And do you know who YOU
are talking to, you IDIOT?
No! replied the Managing
Director angrily.
Thank God! replied the
trainee and kept the phone
down
2:46 AM
Wife- i wish i was a newspaper, so i`d be in ur hand all day
Hubby- i 2 wish that u were a news papers, so i could have a new one everyday.
11:17 PM
A pregnant woman boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing.
She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read: Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: William’s Stick Did The Trick.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.
8:41 PM
Little Jason was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
Teacher: "Jason, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one, with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Jason, "cause the rest would fly away.
"Well the answer is four" said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking."
Little Jason says: "OK. Miss, I have a question for you now. "If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone , and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well", said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No", said Little Jason, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
7:31 PM
P- "Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
D- "Yes, of course...”
P- Great! I never could before!”
4:41 PM
A man went to an women underwear company for a job interview. The manager says,
"If you can answer these 3 questions right, the job is yours!
We pack our panties in 7 packs, 5-packs and 12 packs. Why?"
The man thinks for a moment and replies,
The 7-packs are for Sri Lankan women: one for each day of the week.
The 5-packs are for American women : one each for Monday to Friday, and they don't wear panties on weekends.
The 12-packs are for India women : one each for January, February, March April, May, June, July, August, September,October, November,December...
He got the job.....
4:20 PM
When a Girl Cries
----------The World "Consoles" her
But when a boy cries
----------They say Come on man don't be A "Girl"
If A Girl slaps a Boy
----------Definitely the Boy would have "done something"
If Boy Slaps a girl
----------Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"
If a Girl is talking to Boys
----------She is "Very Friendly"
If a Boy talks to a Girl
----------He is "flirting"
If a Girl meets with accident
----------Then its "mistake of others"
If a Boy meets with same accident
----------"Don't you know how to Drive
What A World Is this
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