Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'Start' but there is no 'Stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 'Re-scooter' is available in system? I find only 'Re-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft Word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
6.. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Rob, Bob, Tom & Jerry were finalists at a quiz show. One common question was asked of them.
Quiz Master »» What is the fastes thing in the world?
Rob »» It's LIGHT, nothing can travel faster than light.
Bob »» It's a THOUGHT, because thought is so fast it comes instantly to your mind.
Tom »» It's a BLINK, you can blink and it's hard to realize you blinked at all.
Jerry »» It's LOOSE MOTION
Quiz Master »» ( shocked to hear Jerry's reply ) Why??
Jerry »» Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomachache, and before i coult THINK, BLINK or turn on the LIGHT , the shit was all over......
THE WINNER, JERRY of course !!!!
1) Never make noise in class coz others are sleeping.
2) Be absent to keep the campus clean.
3) Take some fruits for the animals in the staff room.
4) Always take books bcoz it acts like a pillow.
5) Never be early to class or else no one will notice u....
1. It is always possible to park
directly outside any building you
are visiting.
2. A detective can only solve a
case once he has been
suspended from duty.
3. If you decide to start dancing
in the street, everyone you
bump into will know all the steps.
4. Most laptop computers are
powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any
invading alien civilization.
5. It does not matter if you are
heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your
enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by
dancing around in a threatening
manner until you have knocked
out their predecessors.
6. No one involved in a car chase,
hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will
ever go into shock.
7. When they are alone, all
foreigners prefer to speak
English to each other.
8. You can always find a chainsaw
when you need one.
9. Any lock can be picked by a
credit card or a paper clip in
seconds, unless it's the door to a
burning building with a child
trapped inside.
10. Television news bulletins
usually contain a story that
affects you personally at that
precise moment you turn the
television on.
Lesson #1: Don't trash talk your boss.
Lesson #2: Always be thankful for what you've got.
Lesson #3: Family always comes first.
Lesson #4: Love letters should be kept secret.
Lesson #5: Don't skip Geography.
Lesson #6: I mean, really, dear, don't.
Lesson #7: Don't skip English either.
Lesson #8: Don't ruin surprise parties.
Lesson #9: You can't assume anything.
Lesson #10: Keep the jargon to yourself.
Lesson #11: Always make your mom proud.
Lesson #12: ... by don't telling her your plans.
Lesson #13: Keep some things to yourself.
Lesson #14: Not everyone is your friend in this world.
Lesson #15: And yes, girls are always girls.
When a Girl Cries
----------The World "Consoles" her
But when a boy cries
----------They say Come on man don't be A "Girl"
If A Girl slaps a Boy
----------Definitely the Boy would have "done something"
If Boy Slaps a girl
----------Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"
If a Girl is talking to Boys
----------She is "Very Friendly"
If a Boy talks to a Girl
----------He is "flirting"
If a Girl meets with accident
----------Then its "mistake of others"
If a Boy meets with same accident
----------"Don't you know how to Drive
What A World Is this
Universal law:
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money"
First law:
"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
Any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "
Second law:
"the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "
Third law:
"the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."
LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST- when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called
"screwing."
MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a
town in Pennsylvania. There
really is one.
LOVE - When you argue over how
many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who
gets the wet spot?
MARRIAGE - When you argue over
whose idea it was to have kids.
LOVE - When you share
everything you own.
LUST - When you steal
everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns
everything.
LOVE - When it doesn't matter if
you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is
over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - When . . . Uh . . .
what's a climax?
LOVE - When you phone each
other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each
other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each
other to ***** about work.
LOVE - When you write poems
about your partner.LUST - When all you write is your
phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is
checks.
LOVE - When your only concern is
for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When your only concern is
to find a room with mirrors all-
round.
MARRIAGE - When you're only
concern is what's on T.V.
LOVE - When you are proud to be
seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each
other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see
each other awake.
LOVE - When your heart flutters
every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches
every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet
empties every time you see
them.
LOVE - When all the songs on the
radio describe exactly how you
feel.
LUST - When the song on the
radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to
talk radio.
LOVE - When breaking up is
something you try not to think
about.
LUST - When staying together is
something you try not to think
about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting
through the day is your only
thought.
LOVE - When you're only
interested in oing things with
your partner.
LUST - When you're only
interested in doing things TO
your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only
interested in your golf score.
LOVE - When a rainy day means
more time to stay inside and
talk.
LUST - When a rainy day means
more time to stay inside and
have sex.
MARRIAGE - When a rainy day
means it's time to clean the
basement.
LOVE - You only leave the house
to buy coffee and doughnuts.
LUST - You only leave the house
to buy condoms and Vaseline.
MARRIAGE - You only leave the
house when you're allowed.
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
A Remote Control is Female. Ha! ou thought it'd be male ,didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough .
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy .
When I do something without
being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative, he is
proactive.
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the
office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
BMW: Brings Me Women.
FIAT: Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive.
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.
KIA: Kills In Accidents.
OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life.
TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.
GOLF/GTI: Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside.
HONDA: Hanged Over, Now Driving Away.
Rob says:
We've all had our fair share of
mishaps in that department I can
assure you.
Dave says:
if you ever find a manual, make
sure you share it
Rob says:
Girls are written in a bizarre
server side language neither of
us have heard of
There's an open source
compatibility layer between guys
and girls but the developers
abandoned it half way through
so you gotta tweak it heavily ot
make it work
Dave says:
heh
Rob says:
Think... samba.
Dave says:
ahhh
Rob says:
Girl > Girl communication is fine
Girl > Guy communication is
supported unofficially
Through a third party,
unsupported compatibility layer
Dave says:
I tried guy > girl through a 3rd
party that has a connection
inside the other subnet, but the
3rd party refused to NAT the
connection
Rob says:
Ohhhh so you were stuck on the
192.168 subnet while she was
way out there
Using a proxy is a very good
method of traversal though
Man in the middle attacks are a
potential problem though
Dave says:
I doubt it, this was a trusted
proxy, but it refused to pass on
the connection, said I have to do
it directly
Rob says:
Ahh I see
And the proxy refused an
encrypted HTTP/S transfer?
Dave says:
I wanted the proxy to anonomise
the source, and just send a
status request, but it refused
Rob says:
Connection rest by peer?
*reset
Dave says:
unwilling to forward query
packet
Rob says:
HTTP error status 305 I think
you'll find.
Dave says:
thanks
1 cup Courtesy
2 cup Patience
4 cup Forgiveness
3 cups Understanding
1 cup Encouragement
4 tsp. Unselfishness
Stir in a pinch of Praise.
Add a dash of Wit and
Humor.
Season with Faith and
Confidence ,
Put it in a 24 x 7 pan, bake
on 365o for a Lifetime
and serve with generous
portions of Love and
Smiles . .
Cheers!!!
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a new path
If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a new theory
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a new idea
If I makes a mistake,
:o o:
It is a mistake only
Mistake Only
Guys drink to forget about
the girl...
Girls drink to think back
about the
guy...
When guys are in love, they
become
poor.
When girls are in love, they
become
pretty...
Guys can forget, but cannot
forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot
forget..
Guys care the most about
the quantity
of love...
Girls care the most about
the quality
of love..
Guys break-up when they
feel love from
another girl...
Girls break-up when they
feel the
feeling of separation from
her man...
Guys feel curiosity towards
all
girls...
G irls feel curiosity towards
guys who
are interested in her..
When guys are heartbroken,
they try to
forget about the girl by
going out
with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken,
they try
to find his characteristics
from
another guy...
Guys wish to be her first
love....
Girls wish to be his last
love...
1
DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level
of radioactivity.
Though small, but if you wear
your watch to bed
for a long time, it might have
adverse effects on your health.
2
DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have
discovered those that
wear bras for more than 12
hours have
a higher risk of getting breast
cancer.
So go to bed without it.
3
DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your
bed or anywhere
near you is not encouraged.
Though some of us will use
phones as alarm clocks,
but please put the phone as far
as possible.
Scientists have proved that
electrical items including
mobile phone and television sets
emit magnetic waves when used.
These waves can cause
disruptions to our nervous
system.
Therefore if you need to put
your mobile phone near you,
switch it off first.
4
DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up
might have
skin problems in the long run.
Sleeping with make up will cause
the skin to have
difficulty in breathing and
problem in perspiring.
You will also need a much longer
time to go into deep sleep.
Lastly.....
5
DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE /
HUSBAND
You may never wake up again.
Life before marriage is
TELECOM
" u can express ur self ".
During honeymoon is
DIALOG GSM-
" Always Keep in
Touch
".
After Honeymoon is
Mobitel
" Wherever u go ur
wife
network follows".
After one year Life is
CELLTEL
" ur wife can
change
ur
Face ".
After 10 years Life is
Hutch
" Subscriber is not
reachable
"?????????
Hi Boss,
People who do lots of work...
make lots of mistakes
People who do less work...
make less mistakes
People who do no work...
make no mistakes
People who make no
mistakes...
gets promoted
That's why I spend most of
my time
sending e-mails & playing
games at work
I need a promotion.
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie
Wan ?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to
me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to
Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to
someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan .And I need to
talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone
and u want to talk to anyone!
But what's
this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister
Annie Wan that our brother, Noe
Wan was
involved in an accident. Noe Wan
got injured and now Noe Wan is
being sent
to the hospital. Right now, Avery
Wan is on his way to the
hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was
injured and no one was sent to
the hospital from the accident
that isn't an urgent matter!
You may find this hilarious but I
don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are
you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry.
Now give me your name
He: Yes. At last. It was so
hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to
leave?
He: NO! Don't even think
about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated
on me?
He: NO! Why you even
asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind
of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
Now after the marriage you can
read it from bellow to up !!!
