ATM

A new sign in the Bank Lobby
reads:

"Please note that this Bank is
installing new Drive-through ATM
machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving
their vehicles. Customers using
this new facility are requested
to use the procedures outlined
below when accessing their
accounts.
After months of careful
research, MALE and FEMALE
procedures have been
developed.
Please follow the appropriate
steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and
enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash
required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and
receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the
required amount to align car
window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the
window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all
contents on to passenger seat
to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you
will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into
machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier
access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find
diary with your PIN written on
the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter
correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash
required.
14. Check makeup in rear view
mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to
locate wallet and place cash
inside.
17. Write debit amount in check
register and place receipt in
back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash
machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate
card holder, and place card into
the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male
driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and
pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.